My mom passed away on October 16, 2022. She had pancreatic cancer so I was prepared for this but it still hard. My dad also passed away from cancer so I was already familiar with the process of what happens after a parent passes this time is different because my mom and I did everything together before. My mom and I were each other’s bubble during the pandemic and we were each other’s social life for a long time. It is a tough adjustment now living in a different city where I don’t know many people without the person that I spent most of my free time with. My moms last words to me were be strong you are strong I will hold on to that. My mom also wrote a goodbye letter to my brother and me. I’m not sure if my brother has read it yet but I want to say if you are going to write a goodbye letter don’t wait until you are heavily medicated and in lots of pain to do it or just don’t do it. I’m holding on to the actual memories I had with my mom the letter has been given to my brother to do what he wants with it. I used to call my mom at 7pm almost everyday for the last twelve years I listened to the you are not alone podcast and someone else also did the same thing. She said she now writes letters which I have started doing and it helps.
My mom wanted her funeral to be in Vancouver. We have lots of family there she had lived most of her life there. I only moved to Ottawa a few months ago so I also had friends in Vancouver.
I decided to go a few days early see my friends for a few days then move to my uncles house the night before the funeral and spend the rest of the week with family. My brother also arrived the night before the funeral at my uncle’s house. I’m so glad I scheduled like that I needed the strength from my friends and work colleagues. I also got to eat some of the food I was missing. There is nothing like vegan sushi in Vancouver.
I was fine when I saw my friends. The night I moved to my uncle’s house I started to feel like the Vancouver weather was giving me allergy symptoms. I’m an introvert and wear a mask more often than the average person. I was sure it was just the weather but kept my mask on in most places just in case many people questioned why I was wearing a mask. I’m glad I did wear it. I think I had COVID in 2020 but since testing had been available I had not ever tested positive. My mom was in a retirement home so I was testing frequently. I made it through the funeral which had a lot of people. I made it through family gathering at my uncle’s house and other events with lots of people. My mom made my masks so it was also nice to be wearing something she made.
The next day before going to visit older relatives I decided to do a covid test just incase. I have done many tests and had never tested positive was really sure this was just the weather I was coughing considering the amount of things I was dealing with I felt fine otherwise. I got a faint positive line on the test. I tried to isolate as much as I could in someone else’s house. The good thing was I had my own bedroom and bathroom and this was a house so I could eat on the patio. It was difficult to avoid relatives and a little sad that I couldn’t spend time with them. I delayed my flight I really wanted to go home. I had scheduled everything so I could go to my nephews birthday it was one of the reasons I moved to Ottawa but I ended up missing it. I’m sure he didn’t mind he only turned 3 but it was hard for me.
I don’t know where I got it from. I have a few theories either the flight as the guy beside me was coughing. There was also a time I was in the lobby of the hotel I had my mask off while drinking something someone walked by me and coughed I thought if I get it I’ll know where it’s from this has happened so many times before I wasn’t seriously thinking that. I also had to go to Vancity and take a call from the estate department they let me use an empty office I took my mask off as I was alone in the room and on the phone. No one else I was with got sick or tested positive even the friend I had shared a bathroom with was fine. I only had a mild cough and tested negative a few days later the cough did get a little worse after I got home and I isolated for about a week even though I was negative. Then I had good days and bad days for another week. The cough got better after but I am writing this around three weeks later and I still have a slight cough its not as bad anymore. It is still hard I don't have much of a social life here but the cough is still enough that I have to decide each day if I should go to an appointment or stay home. Not knowing if it will every fully go away is difficult. The other thing that has been really hard is not seeing my brother and his kids because of everyone being sick. It was difficult but there are lots of things in Ottawa I enjoy doing on my own like going for walks.
The good news is my doctor said I don't have to worry about getting a booster for six months. This is great news for me because I didn't want an MNRA vaccine I had Novovax as my booster in June but there doesn't seem to be any options anymore. I am grateful nobody else I was with got sick I wish the timing was better but I am glad that I have now had this so I hopefully don't have to worry about it for a little while.
The next post will be an update on life in Ottawa it will be happier.
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